NOTE: This is a true story! =)
Once upon a time (like yesterday - Nov 23rd) there was a girl and she was a single girl walking home after long day at work. And it was Monday. She was really tired and sleepy and all she wanted to do was to come home, shower, put PJ's on and relax with a good book that she started to read night before. So she was walking and trying to figure out how to deal with a lot of things on her to-do list (and of course she was listening to a really good song that was on repeat on her phone) when out of nowhere a guy runs in front of her and stop her.
"Do you speak english?"- he asked her and she said yes because she does, after all she works for international company and most of her conversations are in english. He that explains to her why he stopped her and ask her her name. She told him, and asked him his name. "It's Tom. Like Tom & Jerry."- was his answer. They chatted for a little while and then he went his way and she went her way.
After couple of minutes she realized that in her trying not to fall asleep on her feet (he wasn't boring, she was just tired and sleepy) she forgot to ask him his number or to even ask if he was interested to meet her again while he was in her hometown.
She got home and immediately sent messages to her friends that she trusted the most. One in Zagreb, one in Germany and one in USA. Every girl was from different period of her life but every single one was by her side when she needed a friend. All three girls asked her about him and all she could tell them was this: "He's cute and hot. He got a smile that sent my brain to vacation. He got blue eyes. His name is Tom and he's from UK. And he likes old buildings or roofs in Zagreb."
One friend told her to try and google him, but she didn't have enough information to find him. Second friend told her to try and go the same way home in the same time as that day and maybe he would be there. Third friend told her that if it was meant to be she would find him or he would find her again.
Since the google option wasn't even an option due to lack of information. She tried the second option and walked the same way home at the same time as the day before and nothing happened. She decided to write this blog post and maybe someone out there who knows him would read this and tell him about it.
So if by any chance you know this Tom that was or still is in Zagreb this week and that has a blue eyes and that lives somewhere in the UK. Could you please let him know that I would like to get to know him better. And that he shocked me that Monday evening and left me speechless.
I'm ending this story with a song that I got link from one special person. It's a beautiful song...
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Sunday, November 15, 2015
I did it!
But don't just pray for Paris, pray for world without fear, for world where our children could live in peace and security. World where differences are normal and where that same differences enrich and complement each and every one of us. Pray for us as humanity to not let evil and fear stop us from living a full life. Pray for those who fight against these lunatics for our peace and security. Pray for belief in better tomorrow.
And now let me tell you about my week.
On Monday I got back to work after a week of being put on bed rest because of my right knee. Let me tell you a little about that. So almost three years ago I had a knee reconstruction on my left knee and my ortho surgeon told me: "I'm giving you a year to two years for your right knee.". Almost three years later my right knee is in mess.
My patella is dancing around like she's on drugs, my ligaments are so f-ed up that is not even funny and stability on my right leg is lacking. So right now I'm waiting for MRI (appointment is next week) and than should know if there's gonna be a visit to hospital for surgery or not. Either way I'm prepared for everything.
After 18 years I made a switch from Nike to Adidas (some of my friends are still in shock).
My friend sent me two book from US.
Currently reading the right one - Seriously... I'm Kidding by Ellen DeGeneres.
And can't wait to start on American sniper by Chris Kyle. Love the movie with Bradly Cooper as Chris Kyle. Watched it a few times and of course DVD release was on my B-day in USA (and that's when I bought it).
Bought myself a new bag that I had my eyes on for a while and got it on 50% off. Here's the little picture of bag (it's not my pic but from the site).
This week was in Zagreb 38th International Book and Teaching appliance Fair. Went with my BF and bought a book for me (of course) from Croatian columnist. His column runs by name "His side of story", and book got name after one very popular column that actually was the first column that I read by him; name of the book is "To you" or in Croatian "Tebi". Usually I don't buy those kind of books but in these case I made an exception because this guy is male version of me and I felt that I need to give my support.
My friend would tell: "Cut the bullshit missy. He is so your type." :)
So if by any chance Dean Pelić ever read this, Hi!
Uh, yes, I also bought for my sis M a book about anatomy and all that stuff because she's going to be a physiotherapist (she's going to graduate next year).
And a little planner (or women planner as it's known in Croatia).
For those who like me love sweet I have a little recommendation:
So this Friday I finally did something that was on my wish list for eleven years. First my parents wouldn't let me do it. Then when I turn 18 things got messed up and finally this year I did it and I'm so proud and happy.
I got myself a tattoo.
"Si vis amari, ama!" or "If you wish to be loved, love."
Since it's Sunday and I cooked lunch for fam, I'm going to relax for the rest of the day.
Till next time.
XOXO
Love,
Me
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Confused
So yesterday I got for the first time in I don't even know how long a shock to my system. You know... that shock when you look into someone else's eyes and felt that kick. The feeling like your body is there but you are miles away. Well, after that someone left my office I felt like my brain took vacation, my concentration left the building and I was left all alone to try and get the rest of the work hours done. I got contracts to translate, calls to make, bills to pay and a lot of other stuff to do but my brain didn't want to cooperate.
Finally, later that evening my friend and I met and went for a coffee and talk (we didn't saw each other for a long time). I told her about the guy and how I acted like complete "don't have a word" and how I'm totally confused because I didn't felt like that for over 9 years. After our coffee I took a walk home and think about everything that happened. Then I dreamed him and I was really pissed when my alarm woke me at 7am.
I decided to send him a message and ask him out. After little banter with my two really great (could say BFs) friends I finally got enough courage and send that message. Got answer when I got home around 7pm. He's happily married (joke is he didn't have the ring day before, bcs if he had one there's no way in hell that I would send him that message) but he doesn't wear a ring.
It's ok. It's fine. I'm glad. But please, for the rest of us that don't read minds if you are married wear that goddamn ring so that we don't put our hopes up and don't step on your wife's toes when we ask you out.
Why not wear ring? When I was engaged that ring was my shield against unwonted attention. That ring had very special meaning to me. And one day when I get married I'll wear that ring and be proud that I have it. I didn't express myself right but right now I'm confused as hell and I'm trying to find a reason why not to wear your wedding band/ring whatever you call it.
that's all from me today. till next time when I'll be reunited with my brain and concentration.
Finally, later that evening my friend and I met and went for a coffee and talk (we didn't saw each other for a long time). I told her about the guy and how I acted like complete "don't have a word" and how I'm totally confused because I didn't felt like that for over 9 years. After our coffee I took a walk home and think about everything that happened. Then I dreamed him and I was really pissed when my alarm woke me at 7am.
I decided to send him a message and ask him out. After little banter with my two really great (could say BFs) friends I finally got enough courage and send that message. Got answer when I got home around 7pm. He's happily married (joke is he didn't have the ring day before, bcs if he had one there's no way in hell that I would send him that message) but he doesn't wear a ring.
It's ok. It's fine. I'm glad. But please, for the rest of us that don't read minds if you are married wear that goddamn ring so that we don't put our hopes up and don't step on your wife's toes when we ask you out.
Why not wear ring? When I was engaged that ring was my shield against unwonted attention. That ring had very special meaning to me. And one day when I get married I'll wear that ring and be proud that I have it. I didn't express myself right but right now I'm confused as hell and I'm trying to find a reason why not to wear your wedding band/ring whatever you call it.
that's all from me today. till next time when I'll be reunited with my brain and concentration.
XOXO,
Love,
Anna
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Catching up
wow...
Long time no write =)
Since it would be almost a month from my last post (don't count the one with sexy men list) I felt a need to catch up with you about what's happened in my life since then.
So, let's start.
In these past month I had a good days, great days and days when I felt the need to scream bloody murder or cry my eyes out. I kicked out of my life a couple of people that I lost trust in and I can't say that I'm sad about it. I dealt with stupid people that have nothing better to do with their lives than to mess with mine.
Couple of months ago I started to put my trust in someone and thought that with a little time maybe there could be something worth putting my heart into. I knew him for a long time, really long time and we kind of got in something that had a potential to maybe be something more one day but... There's always that BUT no matter how hard you fight to avoid it.
In April or May (don't remember exactly when) he moved from here to London for work and I was really happy for him because that job is a huge opportunity for him and his career. He came to Zagreb when he could and we talked almost every day via WhatsApp, e-mails, Skype and phone calls. I knew he wanted something more than I could give him and I told him that if he find someone over there that I'm really cool with that and just to let me know about it and I'll be always there for him because he was with me when I had a rough time in the beginning of this year and I love and respect him as a good friend.
He told me that he'll wait for me and give me time to sort my demons and be ready to be with someone in a committed relationship. But (here comes that famous but) one day I was talking with him and he accidentally spilled in our conversation that there's someone that he kind of dates for a month and a half (the catch is that in that time he was in Zagreb for a long weekend with me). I got really mad not because he met someone but because he didn't told me about her when that was the only thing that I asked.
I told him that I need time to stop being mad at him and to let me cool my jets. He didn't let me have my time. He called me every day after I got off work and talked with me. Couple days later he told me that he ended with her because she told him to stop talking with me and end our friendship. We both don't deal good with ultimatums. Week or so later he put one of those on me. To be officially with him because he loves me and he ended whatever he had with that girl and he don't want to wait for me anymore or...
I hung up and we didn't talk anymore since then. He told his sister (she is my friend) that he don 't know how to fix things with me but he doesn't want to call me because he's scared that I won't talk with him. I put that whole situation on the sideline and wait for him to decide what he wants. Because I no longer trust him to be with him but I still don't want to lose him as a friend and he knows that.
Work is good and I hope it'll stay that way and only get better. There are days when I just want to do everything on my list and go home as soon as possible but then there's days when I don't want to go home. I have amazing boss and I'm so happy to have that good man as a boss. What will be awesome is to have another girl in the office closer to my age. Right now it's me and two boys younger then me and our boss when he's in Zagreb. Boys are cool and everything but they are boys and sometimes I feel like I'm their mother. But I can't complain, I had much worse and this is a fairy tale in comparison with my last job.
I learned couple of new life lessons and realized that everything happens with a great reason and someday Karma will sort everything out. I'm happy with how my life is right now. I catch myself daydreaming but if it's meant to be it'll happen on their own time, no need for me to rush it. I'm a little nostalgic at the time but I'm blaming it on hormones (aunt Flow's in town, I know TMI, but I don't care) and I'm sticking with my story. And I'm enjoying knowing that there's noting wrong with being who I am, because there's people who finds my version of me a whole lot attractive. HA!!! Suck it, jerk!!!
LOL
well, I hope that you guys are happy, healthy and in love. it doesn't have to be with someone. right now i'm in love with a bag that i found in store (just waitin' for paycheck next month and it's goin' to be love story), i'm in love with a great song that i listen every day in the office and i'm in love with life.
Also, today my BF celebrates her 25th B-day so shout out to my bestie (she has her own beauty blog, here's a link: sura-dance and make up lover (it's on croatian)). Happy B-day, doll. Love ya!!!
Long time no write =)
Since it would be almost a month from my last post (don't count the one with sexy men list) I felt a need to catch up with you about what's happened in my life since then.
So, let's start.
In these past month I had a good days, great days and days when I felt the need to scream bloody murder or cry my eyes out. I kicked out of my life a couple of people that I lost trust in and I can't say that I'm sad about it. I dealt with stupid people that have nothing better to do with their lives than to mess with mine.
Couple of months ago I started to put my trust in someone and thought that with a little time maybe there could be something worth putting my heart into. I knew him for a long time, really long time and we kind of got in something that had a potential to maybe be something more one day but... There's always that BUT no matter how hard you fight to avoid it.
In April or May (don't remember exactly when) he moved from here to London for work and I was really happy for him because that job is a huge opportunity for him and his career. He came to Zagreb when he could and we talked almost every day via WhatsApp, e-mails, Skype and phone calls. I knew he wanted something more than I could give him and I told him that if he find someone over there that I'm really cool with that and just to let me know about it and I'll be always there for him because he was with me when I had a rough time in the beginning of this year and I love and respect him as a good friend.
He told me that he'll wait for me and give me time to sort my demons and be ready to be with someone in a committed relationship. But (here comes that famous but) one day I was talking with him and he accidentally spilled in our conversation that there's someone that he kind of dates for a month and a half (the catch is that in that time he was in Zagreb for a long weekend with me). I got really mad not because he met someone but because he didn't told me about her when that was the only thing that I asked.
I told him that I need time to stop being mad at him and to let me cool my jets. He didn't let me have my time. He called me every day after I got off work and talked with me. Couple days later he told me that he ended with her because she told him to stop talking with me and end our friendship. We both don't deal good with ultimatums. Week or so later he put one of those on me. To be officially with him because he loves me and he ended whatever he had with that girl and he don't want to wait for me anymore or...
I hung up and we didn't talk anymore since then. He told his sister (she is my friend) that he don 't know how to fix things with me but he doesn't want to call me because he's scared that I won't talk with him. I put that whole situation on the sideline and wait for him to decide what he wants. Because I no longer trust him to be with him but I still don't want to lose him as a friend and he knows that.
Work is good and I hope it'll stay that way and only get better. There are days when I just want to do everything on my list and go home as soon as possible but then there's days when I don't want to go home. I have amazing boss and I'm so happy to have that good man as a boss. What will be awesome is to have another girl in the office closer to my age. Right now it's me and two boys younger then me and our boss when he's in Zagreb. Boys are cool and everything but they are boys and sometimes I feel like I'm their mother. But I can't complain, I had much worse and this is a fairy tale in comparison with my last job.
I learned couple of new life lessons and realized that everything happens with a great reason and someday Karma will sort everything out. I'm happy with how my life is right now. I catch myself daydreaming but if it's meant to be it'll happen on their own time, no need for me to rush it. I'm a little nostalgic at the time but I'm blaming it on hormones (aunt Flow's in town, I know TMI, but I don't care) and I'm sticking with my story. And I'm enjoying knowing that there's noting wrong with being who I am, because there's people who finds my version of me a whole lot attractive. HA!!! Suck it, jerk!!!
LOL
well, I hope that you guys are happy, healthy and in love. it doesn't have to be with someone. right now i'm in love with a bag that i found in store (just waitin' for paycheck next month and it's goin' to be love story), i'm in love with a great song that i listen every day in the office and i'm in love with life.
XOXO,
Love,
Anna
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Top Sexiest Men ;)
Descriptions aren't necessary, right? Just enjoy...
Chris Pine
Jason Statham
Bradley Cooper
Liam Hemsworth
Chris Hemsworth
Jamie Dornan
Jai Courtney
Charlie Hunnam
Theo James
Chris Pratt
Tom Hardy
Robert Downey Jr.
Colin Kaepernick
Adam Lavine
Channing Tatum
Matt Bomer
Sam Hunt
Tim McGraw
Luke Bryan
Matt Shadows
David Beckham
Nick Bateman
XOXO
A
A
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Wish do come true...
... for those who wish hard enough and never stops believing and hoping.
So I have an huge and exciting news (well at least for me it is).
So today is Sep 12th, and three days ago I went to an job interview thinking that I'm going to end up disappointed once more but boy was I wrong. They offered me a job position in British company that have office in Zagreb. Immediately I accepted and signed contract with them. I still can't believe it and it took me a while to just come back to now and realize that everything is going to change in my life and for a good. And I couldn't be happier than I am right now.
I'm going back to college and going to get that degree if it's a last thing that I'll do. I'm going to show people that I can do much more than they thought but I'm going to work hard and study hard so that at the end of the day I can be proud of myself.
Expectations are high and I know that it's not going to be easy but everything else that comes with it is what makes everything else worth it.
Today is Saturday and my first day is on Monday so I'm going to stop writing now and come back and finish this blog post on next Saturday (Sep 19th) with my first week on this amazing opportunity that I got and I'm thankful for it.
I know that this adventure in front of me will be a bumpy and not all sunshine and rainbows but I'm
going to work hard and be the person that I know that I can be and deep down I am.
Sat, Sep 12th 2015
So my first week is behind me and I'm really excited about future with this job. I work in a office with a two guys and boss when he is in Croatia. We are going to get one new employee soon so it's going to be very interesting. Office is amazing with a balcony and a beautiful view. My two colleagues are cool and there's always laughter no matter of the amount of work that we have in front of us.
Company is still establishing the Zagreb office so there is a lot of work to do. And the guy that worked there was a special kind of people that left only disaster and catastrophe behind him. Prick!!! This whole week I had to pick up pieces and fix things that he screw up big time.
But I'm not complaining and I'm definitely looking forward to new experiences and new adventures that are in front of me.
So I have an huge and exciting news (well at least for me it is).
So today is Sep 12th, and three days ago I went to an job interview thinking that I'm going to end up disappointed once more but boy was I wrong. They offered me a job position in British company that have office in Zagreb. Immediately I accepted and signed contract with them. I still can't believe it and it took me a while to just come back to now and realize that everything is going to change in my life and for a good. And I couldn't be happier than I am right now.
I'm going back to college and going to get that degree if it's a last thing that I'll do. I'm going to show people that I can do much more than they thought but I'm going to work hard and study hard so that at the end of the day I can be proud of myself.
Expectations are high and I know that it's not going to be easy but everything else that comes with it is what makes everything else worth it.
Today is Saturday and my first day is on Monday so I'm going to stop writing now and come back and finish this blog post on next Saturday (Sep 19th) with my first week on this amazing opportunity that I got and I'm thankful for it.
I know that this adventure in front of me will be a bumpy and not all sunshine and rainbows but I'm
going to work hard and be the person that I know that I can be and deep down I am.
Sat, Sep 12th 2015
So my first week is behind me and I'm really excited about future with this job. I work in a office with a two guys and boss when he is in Croatia. We are going to get one new employee soon so it's going to be very interesting. Office is amazing with a balcony and a beautiful view. My two colleagues are cool and there's always laughter no matter of the amount of work that we have in front of us.
Company is still establishing the Zagreb office so there is a lot of work to do. And the guy that worked there was a special kind of people that left only disaster and catastrophe behind him. Prick!!! This whole week I had to pick up pieces and fix things that he screw up big time.
But I'm not complaining and I'm definitely looking forward to new experiences and new adventures that are in front of me.
Lots of love,
Anna
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
To You...
...whoever you are. I dreamed of you last night for the first time. I dreamed of our first meeting. The first time when our eyes met, and a huge smile was spread across your face. The same identical smile that were on my face. I don't know your name. I don't know who you are, where you live or what you do. I don't know what do you love and what you don't love. But somehow I know that one day when I meet you I'm going to fall in love with you with my whole heart and soul. And every crack that exist today and is possible to see on my heart would vanish and my heart would be whole again.
I hope that when it happens that I will know how to show you how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I can promise you right now even when I don't know you that I'll do everything that I possibly could to never hurt you the way that I was hurt. I can promise you that I'll never hurt you intentionally but if I hurt you in any way, please know that it was accidentally and that I'm really sorry from the bottom of my heart.
My dream last night was a first good dream in a long time for me. And to know that I dreamed you was a icing on the cake for me. My alarm clock woke me up because I needed to go to work (oh, yeah, more about that in my next post on Saturday) and I was really sad that my dream and our first meeting was over. Some little part of me is hoping that tonight when I go to bed and fall a sleep I'll meet you again. I know that that is not how things are working but a girl can hope, right?
This post is not long, but I'm OK with that because the things that I need to say to you are for me to know now and for you to find out when I meet you one day.
I'm looking forward to meet you one day and to love you for who I am when I'm with you.
To you my mystery man...
Monday, September 7, 2015
Rambling VOL. 2
NOTE: This post was written on Sep. 3rd, but unfortunately I didn't get to post it because of family emergency. Today I'm posting it because one special and very dear person told to live my life like there's no tomorrow and that I can't close myself off just because it hurts to watch someone I love is in hospital and prognosis are not good.
Hi...
Yesterday was my queen mother's 57th birthday (pls, don't tell her that I wrote the actual number or she's going to... I don't know, but I do know that it's not going to end well for me); so dear mom, happy belated birthday!!!!!! Love you to the moon and back and thank you for being the best mom a daughter can wish for.
So about the rambling part...
Well, yesterday (it's totally coincidental or not - who cares) I was talking to one of my friends, shock I know. =) We were talking about relationship and that stuff when she asked me: "Do you wanna be in a relationship? Would you ever want to get engaged and married again? And do you honestly think that you learned everything from past mistakes?". In that moment I actually didn't know what to say. How to answer those last two questions?
I thought about them and that whole conversation that I had with her when I got home. And I still didn't know what to say. So, I logged on my laptop and went to Pinterest because somehow browsing through all kinds of stuff I think the best. And even this time I was able to find my answers to all three questions.
Question #1. Do you want to be in a relationship?
Also, she asked me did I finally let go of my anger. The answer to that is still NO. I don't know how to after all this time. In the beginnings I was to hurt to be angry and then I just shut myself down and any emotion that I had was pushed in a box deep deep down and I never got to the part where you are angry and pissed and want to kick someone (be real, not someone but you-know-who) so that he sing really high notes and hurt just a little like you.
So I'm asking you guys, can you give me some advice how to get rid of that anger and finally let it go and open myself for new beginnings.
That's all from me for today. Thank you for reading.
Hi...
Yesterday was my queen mother's 57th birthday (pls, don't tell her that I wrote the actual number or she's going to... I don't know, but I do know that it's not going to end well for me); so dear mom, happy belated birthday!!!!!! Love you to the moon and back and thank you for being the best mom a daughter can wish for.
So about the rambling part...
Well, yesterday (it's totally coincidental or not - who cares) I was talking to one of my friends, shock I know. =) We were talking about relationship and that stuff when she asked me: "Do you wanna be in a relationship? Would you ever want to get engaged and married again? And do you honestly think that you learned everything from past mistakes?". In that moment I actually didn't know what to say. How to answer those last two questions?
I thought about them and that whole conversation that I had with her when I got home. And I still didn't know what to say. So, I logged on my laptop and went to Pinterest because somehow browsing through all kinds of stuff I think the best. And even this time I was able to find my answers to all three questions.
Question #1. Do you want to be in a relationship?
- Yes, I do. I want to be in a healthy relationship with a person that will make me smile and feel appreciated. Someone with whom I could talk for hours and still have something to say. Someone who will hold my hand when I'm scared. Someone who will look past my defects ( and trust me I have them and I'm aware of them ) and love me for who I am not for who they want me to be. I want to be in a relationship but I am not desperate for one. When it happens it happens. I don't wanna push it or rush it. When the time would be right I'll know and then I will be in a relationship,
- Yes. For a long time for me a marriage was just a piece of paper that to some people doesn't mean a thing and I didn't want to be a part of that masquerade. Today I believe that if you find that one person who completes you in every aspect. Who causes your heart to skip. The person who when you think about him, you smile without a cause. When he kisses you, you feel butterflies every single time. Who is your everything that you prayed for and more. A person that makes you cry only happy tears and is there for you in good and in bad. Even when your PMS comes in town and takes a residence he still loves you. Then and only then would I think about getting married again.
- I still don't know if I learned absolutely everything. But I did learn a whole lot of something. I learned to listen my instinct even when I try to fool myself that I'm imagining things. I learn to never change myself for anybody other then myself. To never let go of friends because he doesn't like them. To be yourself no matter what and be true to myself. To respect but also seek respect in return. To tell what's on my mind even when the time is just not right. And a lots of other things but I still feel that I have things to learn.
Also, she asked me did I finally let go of my anger. The answer to that is still NO. I don't know how to after all this time. In the beginnings I was to hurt to be angry and then I just shut myself down and any emotion that I had was pushed in a box deep deep down and I never got to the part where you are angry and pissed and want to kick someone (be real, not someone but you-know-who) so that he sing really high notes and hurt just a little like you.
So I'm asking you guys, can you give me some advice how to get rid of that anger and finally let it go and open myself for new beginnings.
That's all from me for today. Thank you for reading.
XOXO
Lots of love,
Me
Monday, August 31, 2015
TMI TAG 50 Questions
Hi,
so I decided to find a TAG questions to answer and stumbled upon these. I hope that by answering these questions you guys can get to know me a little bit better.
So, lets start...
1. What are you wearing?
- black sleeveless see through shirt with white "LOVE" caption by H&M
- olive green shorts with pockets by Terranova
- black flip flops by Sweet Years
2. Ever been in love?
- Yes. Unconditionally with my whole heart.
3. Ever had a terrible breakup?
- Oh, yes. It took me a while to get over it. Till these day I still feel little side effects of it.
4. How tall are you?
- I'm 173 centimeters or 5'7".
5. How much do you weigh?
- Hahahahaha. Funny, not. :) I weight 62,5 kilograms or 137 pounds.
6. Any tattoos?
- Not yet, but hopefully pretty soon. I have three in plan.
7. Any piercings?
- Besides my ears that I got pierced when I was two, no.
8. OTP?
- Well, I love Jesse Kingston and Luciana Antonia Russo Kingston from Rockstar series by Anne Mercier. They're perfect imperfect couple if you ask me. Fell in love with them with the first page.
9. Favorite show?
- Wow, this could take me a while to answer since I watch so many shows. Lets see... NCIS, Bones, Last man standing, The Big Bang Theory, Criminal minds, Scandal, 2 Brooke girls, Rizzoli & Isles, etc. But my all time favorite is Mentalist and I'm sad that that show is over and I still love me some Patrick Jane ;)
10. Favorite band?
- Since I'm a music junkie it's a long list. But I'll try to put my top fave bands that I have on every playlist. Daughtry, Guns N' Roses, Lady Antebellum, Little Big Town, Maroon 5, The Script and Zac Brown Band.
- My friend Ida. She died last year and I still can't believe that she's gone. Other than her, I miss my trust in people.
12. Favorite song?
- OMG, there's a endless list of songs that I can say are my favorite song. Most of the time it depends on my mood in that moment, but my all time, number one fave sons is "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses.
13. How old are you?
- I'm 26.
14. Zodiac sign?
- Taurus :)
15. Quality you look for in a partner?
- Humor, honesty and faithfulness are three must haves. If you can't make me laugh and you can't be honest all the time no matter what the issue is or you can't be faithful in relationship than we have nothing to talk about any more.
16. Favorite quote?
- "The only easy day was yesterday." - motto by US Navy SEALs
- "Sarcasm is my friend, I embrace her with love." - Lucy Russo, Falling Down by Anne Mercier
17. Favorite actor?
- Robert Downey Jr.
18. Favorite color?
- All kinds of blue. Every shade that exist. Fave fave is navy blue.
19. Loud music or soft?
- Depends of my mood and what I'm doing. If I'm relaxed and in my zen mode than soft. If my on brink of blowing off than the louder the better.
20. Where do you go when you're sad?
- In my little corner in my room where I shut myself down inside me and listen music and try to work it out if I can without tears. Most of the time I let myself cry everything out and than I'm back in the game.
21. How long does it take you to shower?
- If I don't wash my hear or shave max 5 minutes. Otherwise it's 20 to 25 minutes.
22. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
- It can take me from 15 to 40 minutes. Depends on what I'm get ready for.
23. Ever been in a physical fight?
- Nope :)
24. Turn on?
- Physically: blue eyes, smile, a man who takes care of himself.
- Mentally: humor and man who knows what he wants and how to take it, a man who walks the walk and not just talks the talk, a man who's not afraid to show how he feels and a man who can show his girl how much he wants her.
25. Turn off?
- Lies, cockiness, too much of arrogance, etc.
26. The reason you started blogging?
- I wanted to blog for a very long time but never got to sit myself down and start. Then I broke up with my ex and I wanted a place where I could write and share everything that I want to say about my thoughts, experiences or random stuff with people from all over the world. It took me a while to start but I'm happy that I did. I don't have a lot of followers or comments on my posts but I'm happy every time I post something new.
27. Fears?
- Rats, snakes and spiders. My friend once told me that she's afraid of death. I was once, but than I got diagnosed for the first time with my ovarian tumor (which was, thank God, benign) and it got me started to think about life and death. When I was diagnosed for the second time with ovarian tumor that's when I realized that I'm not afraid of death any more.
28. Last thing that made you cry?
- Song "Who You'd Be Today" by Kenny Chesney.
29. Last time you sad you loved someone?
- Last night to my mom.
30. Meaning behind your blog name?
- "Pure brain to mouth filter malfunction" is not so rear symptom that I have. Sometime it gets me in a whole lot of trouble but sometime it's a most precious gift that I have.
31. Last book you read?
- "Interlude" by Anne Mercier (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24299613-interlude)
32. The book you're currently reading?
- I'm rereading "No place to run" by Maya Banks (a KGI series, https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7828781-no-place-to-run?from_search=true&search_version=service)
33. Last show you watched?
- Rizzoli & Isles S06 E11
34. Last person you talked to?
- My friend Marko. He just went back to London where he works in (I forgot the name) company.
35. The relationship between you and the person you last talked?
- A long one. I know him since I was 15. We met when I was on holiday that summer and he was my first kiss. We were close friends for three years and than things happened and we lost all contacts for the next seven years. Now we are friends again ;)
36. Favorite food?
- Everything with chocolate.
37. Place you want to visit?
- World. You should see my map that I have bookmarked on my laptop. Red dots all over the place. My dad was bus driver for a company that provide transportation all over my country, so from very young age I traveled with him every where that he went and that's how I got bite by the travel bug.
38. Last place you were?
- I didn't travel anywhere for a while not because I didn't want to but because I couldn't afford to. And that is something that I'm working on to change. But the last place that I went to was my mom's hometown in Bosnia and Herzegovina.
39. Do you have a crush?
- Yes!
40. Last time you kissed someone?
- Today. Who? It's between me and him.
41. Last time you were insulted?
- A week ago. Not so much insulted as disgusted by someone who once meant so much to me and now is proving to be the lowest form of human being.
42. Favorite flavor of sweet?
- If we're talking about candies than strawberry and coca-cola sour gummy stripes.
43. What instruments do you play?
- I'm antitalent for any instruments.
44. Favorite piece of jewelry?
- It was my engagement ring. Now it's a pair of withe gold earrings that I bought for myself with my very first paycheck when I was nineteen and a withe gold cross that I got from my grandma.
45. Last sport you played?
- Handball a while back.
46. Last song you sang?
- "Afterlife" by Avenged Sevenfold (ahhh, M. Shadows)
47. Favorite chat up line?
- I don't have one per se. But I do have one with my girlfriends; "What's up, doll?"
48. Have you ever used it?
- The one for my GFs, almost every time I talk with them.
49. Last time you hung with anyone?
- With my friend from elementary school, on Wednesday. I have a pics to prove it :)
50. Who should answer these questions next?
- Everyone who wants to.
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
When is this evil going to end?
Just found out that a man from my country who was kidnapped by ISIS was executed. His name was Tomislav Salopek. He was a son, brother, husband, friend and father. He was doing his job and providing for his family. I don't know him but I have belief that that man didn't do harm to anybody so why would someone killed him.
I'm not into politics or religion but I'm sick and tired of hearing about this group of - I can't call them people because they are anything but human being or even an animal - something. This ISIS is group of deranged, brain washed and everything that is bad in this world. And I really think it's time to put once and for all the end to them and to anyone who put treats to innocent people; be it man, woman or child.
It really is time to stop this evil so that we as humans could live in peace and security that we can go to work without being afraid that some sicko who thinks that he has a right to play God would kidnap you and execute you and that put that kind of pictures on internet so that victims family and friends could see his doing.
Everyone has a right to his or her opinion, right to believe in his or hers God or whatever they call him or her, right to speak his or hers mind, right to love whoever they want to and right to be free. If you harm someone in any way or do something that is against the law than you should be punished for it. But no one has a right to be a judge and jury and execute your will just because you think it's your right, because it's NOT.
Tomislav Salopek didn't do harm to them. He was going to work so he can provide for his family and this group decided to play they game and demand thinks that they don't have right to demand.
I ask myself today what is next. He was kidnapped in Egypt and I'm wondering is the rest of the world safe from them. Am I going to exit my building one day and get kidnapped by some deranged lunatic who thinks that I'm guilty just because I'm not muslim.
I'm sad today because of Tomislav Salopek and anyone else who was killed by this group of psychos. I'm sad because they are kidnapping and killing innocent people every day and right now I don't see an end to this evil that is living and breathing with the rest of us. Is there an end for them?
Today, I'm praying for Tomislav and his family and friends. I'm praying for families and friends of the eight innocent people who were killed by this group before Tomislav. I'm praying for families and friends of people this group kidnapped but still keeping alive in God knows what conditions.
Today, I'm asking you to pray for them and to keep them in your thoughts and to never forget them because they deserve to never be forgotten.
Rest in peace, Tomislav.
I'm not into politics or religion but I'm sick and tired of hearing about this group of - I can't call them people because they are anything but human being or even an animal - something. This ISIS is group of deranged, brain washed and everything that is bad in this world. And I really think it's time to put once and for all the end to them and to anyone who put treats to innocent people; be it man, woman or child.
It really is time to stop this evil so that we as humans could live in peace and security that we can go to work without being afraid that some sicko who thinks that he has a right to play God would kidnap you and execute you and that put that kind of pictures on internet so that victims family and friends could see his doing.
Everyone has a right to his or her opinion, right to believe in his or hers God or whatever they call him or her, right to speak his or hers mind, right to love whoever they want to and right to be free. If you harm someone in any way or do something that is against the law than you should be punished for it. But no one has a right to be a judge and jury and execute your will just because you think it's your right, because it's NOT.
Tomislav Salopek didn't do harm to them. He was going to work so he can provide for his family and this group decided to play they game and demand thinks that they don't have right to demand.
I ask myself today what is next. He was kidnapped in Egypt and I'm wondering is the rest of the world safe from them. Am I going to exit my building one day and get kidnapped by some deranged lunatic who thinks that I'm guilty just because I'm not muslim.
I'm sad today because of Tomislav Salopek and anyone else who was killed by this group of psychos. I'm sad because they are kidnapping and killing innocent people every day and right now I don't see an end to this evil that is living and breathing with the rest of us. Is there an end for them?
Today, I'm praying for Tomislav and his family and friends. I'm praying for families and friends of the eight innocent people who were killed by this group before Tomislav. I'm praying for families and friends of people this group kidnapped but still keeping alive in God knows what conditions.
Today, I'm asking you to pray for them and to keep them in your thoughts and to never forget them because they deserve to never be forgotten.
Rest in peace, Tomislav.
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
dream...
Last night I had a dream that I dreamed a few months ago. It was exactly the same dream. That never happened to me before. The first time I dreamed this dream I was so shocked and spooked that I had trouble to go to sleep because I was really scared that I would maybe dream it again or something even worse.
Usually I don't believe in dreams and it's a rare occasion when I even remember what I dreamed that night. After the breakup with my ex I had nightmares every single night for three months and occasionally for another three months. For the first three months I woke up screaming, in tears and what was worst for me; I would woke my family with my screams.
When even my occasional nightmares were over I was so happy and I couldn't believe that they were finally gone. But... I should have known that something would happen that would trigger everything all over again.
It was February, I was nightmare free for two months and than that dream happened and took me down again.
Let me tell you my dream...
"It was my B-day and my family and me plus my uncle and aunt were going to a restaurant for my B-day lunch. I was happy, really happy. So we got to the entrance to the restaurant and a guy in front (that restaurant doesn't have anybody who works in front of and scans people who enter and exit) stop us. He ask for ours IDs and after he returns them says that only I can enter and then rushes me in and a waiter leads me to my table. I'm confused and little bit angry because I had a reservations for a lunch with my family and they couldn't even come in. As we stop at my table there are five people (that are my family and a friend) who already sit there with smiles on their faces."
What's a big deal you would ask? Well, every one of them are deceased. My friend and aunt died last year, my cousin three and half years ago, my great aunt four years ago and my nanny who was like a grandmother to me twelve years ago. My aunt and nanny from a ovarian and uterus cancer, my cousin from breast cancer, my great aunt from some virus that she got in retirement home where she lived (that's official cause, but I have my reasons to suspect some foul play) and my friend... she took her own life. But, let me get back to my dream...
"I sat with them and look every single one of them in the eyes. I was so confused and I didn't understand what's going on. I was happy to see them because they were all gone but I didn't understand why were they here with me in these restaurant and why my living family couldn't be with me. The five of them talked with each other but not with me. They would smile in my way and continue to talk among themselves. When the waiter brought my birthday cake my cousin who sat right beside me looked at me with a smile and said: "Enjoy more while you can, because you will not much longer." And they all smiled at me, told me they loved me and not to be scared. And my friend who sat at my other side whispered in my ear: "It doesn't hurt, so don't be scared.""
In that moment I woke up with a jolt and realized that my whole PJ's were wet from the sweat and I was shaking so hard. That whole day I was out of my zone and element. I had a really tough time to concentrate on anything. Once or twice my mom asked me if I was on drugs or something. I told her about my dream and she told me not to worry because it was just a dream. That dream triggered a month worth of nightmares until I talked with my friend who told me that that dream doesn't have to be anything bad and that it probably is something positive. But for the life of me I couldn't understand what it is.
Were they talking about my fear of falling in love again and letting someone new in my life. Of trusting again. I really wanted to know. But my nightmares were gone after a month and after that I couldn't remember my dreams until this morning when I woke up again with a jolt and a memory of the same dream from February. But this time I'm not scared of confused. I'm OK with whatever that dream means if anything. I'm OK with whatever life throws at me.
Did you ever had that kind of dreams? The ones that stick to you and left you confused and scared?
If you did, what did you do? Could you let me know what that dream was and how did you deal with it?
Until the next post from me, lots of love from Zagreb where it's 34 (93- if you are on fahrenheit) degrees and sunny. Just like I like it.
Usually I don't believe in dreams and it's a rare occasion when I even remember what I dreamed that night. After the breakup with my ex I had nightmares every single night for three months and occasionally for another three months. For the first three months I woke up screaming, in tears and what was worst for me; I would woke my family with my screams.
When even my occasional nightmares were over I was so happy and I couldn't believe that they were finally gone. But... I should have known that something would happen that would trigger everything all over again.
It was February, I was nightmare free for two months and than that dream happened and took me down again.
Let me tell you my dream...
"It was my B-day and my family and me plus my uncle and aunt were going to a restaurant for my B-day lunch. I was happy, really happy. So we got to the entrance to the restaurant and a guy in front (that restaurant doesn't have anybody who works in front of and scans people who enter and exit) stop us. He ask for ours IDs and after he returns them says that only I can enter and then rushes me in and a waiter leads me to my table. I'm confused and little bit angry because I had a reservations for a lunch with my family and they couldn't even come in. As we stop at my table there are five people (that are my family and a friend) who already sit there with smiles on their faces."
What's a big deal you would ask? Well, every one of them are deceased. My friend and aunt died last year, my cousin three and half years ago, my great aunt four years ago and my nanny who was like a grandmother to me twelve years ago. My aunt and nanny from a ovarian and uterus cancer, my cousin from breast cancer, my great aunt from some virus that she got in retirement home where she lived (that's official cause, but I have my reasons to suspect some foul play) and my friend... she took her own life. But, let me get back to my dream...
"I sat with them and look every single one of them in the eyes. I was so confused and I didn't understand what's going on. I was happy to see them because they were all gone but I didn't understand why were they here with me in these restaurant and why my living family couldn't be with me. The five of them talked with each other but not with me. They would smile in my way and continue to talk among themselves. When the waiter brought my birthday cake my cousin who sat right beside me looked at me with a smile and said: "Enjoy more while you can, because you will not much longer." And they all smiled at me, told me they loved me and not to be scared. And my friend who sat at my other side whispered in my ear: "It doesn't hurt, so don't be scared.""
In that moment I woke up with a jolt and realized that my whole PJ's were wet from the sweat and I was shaking so hard. That whole day I was out of my zone and element. I had a really tough time to concentrate on anything. Once or twice my mom asked me if I was on drugs or something. I told her about my dream and she told me not to worry because it was just a dream. That dream triggered a month worth of nightmares until I talked with my friend who told me that that dream doesn't have to be anything bad and that it probably is something positive. But for the life of me I couldn't understand what it is.
Were they talking about my fear of falling in love again and letting someone new in my life. Of trusting again. I really wanted to know. But my nightmares were gone after a month and after that I couldn't remember my dreams until this morning when I woke up again with a jolt and a memory of the same dream from February. But this time I'm not scared of confused. I'm OK with whatever that dream means if anything. I'm OK with whatever life throws at me.
Did you ever had that kind of dreams? The ones that stick to you and left you confused and scared?
If you did, what did you do? Could you let me know what that dream was and how did you deal with it?
Until the next post from me, lots of love from Zagreb where it's 34 (93- if you are on fahrenheit) degrees and sunny. Just like I like it.
XOXO
Anna
Monday, July 6, 2015
letter to a boy who search for his girl
Zagreb, July 5th, 2015
Hello boy who search for his girl,you don't know me, we never met. I don't know you but I read your columns so I kinda know what you want to say. You probably won't even read this post/letter that I wrote to you but that's OK. I just wanted to say something to you that I think you should know. And if I'm jumping from one end to another that's just how my brain work in his mysterious way.
In your columns you described you perfect girl, you know 'The One' girl. And I don't want to sound cocky and presumptuous but sweet baby Jesus I'm all of that. But than you wrote about girl that you wrote your columns to, who if I got it right is your 'The One' but she lives far away and etc. That got me confused. Is that girl real? And if she is and she is that One that you search for, than why aren't you with her? Yeah, distance is a bitch and all that but if you love someone and you know that he or she is that one that you want for the rest of your life than distance is not the problem in the story. I would move heaven and earth to be with the one that I love and with who I want to grow old with. I would give anything to even find him.
I would love to write about one time in my life that I thought that I have that. A time where I thought I was the luckiest girl in the whole universe because I had met Him and he loved me and he asked me after perfect six years to be his wife and have a family with him. But my fairy tale ended with tears, broken heart, destroyed plans and dreams. I didn't get my happy ever after. Another girl now calls him her husband. The same girl that was in relationship with another man while she got all lovey dovey with my fiance. But that's my story, my lessons to learn from and my history. And it's a seven years long story, so let's leave it at that. So if that girl that you wrote your columns to is your 'The One', go after her and don't let go. Fight for what you want if it's her that you want.
You wrote how the girl that you are looking for is hard to find. Sometimes it's like you think like she doesn't even exists. And sometimes I thought that you don't even know what you want. Or maybe you do know but you just don't know if you want her or stay single and enjoy the freedom.
In one of your first columns you wrote how girls don't want or don't see a guys like you. A guys that are honest, good, respectful, kind, who treats his girl right, etc. How we only see guys that are douchebags. But I have to tell you that we see them (the D ones) and we see you but you don't see the girls that see you and not them because you only see girls that see the other ones. If you get what I wanted to say. OK, what was that? How many see can you put in one sentence? Jeez, girl.
Since I know that this is going to be a long one, and I want to get my point clear I would like to tell you a story. Couple months ago I was in town and I ran into a friend from elementary school that I haven't seen since we went to a different high school. We sat on the terrace of one of the many coffee bars around square and began to talk about everything that happened in our lives since we last met. I told her my "adventures", and she admitted that there was a guy that we both knew who liked me but he told her that he can't put me into a certain category and that because of that he wouldn't asked me out on a date. Now let me tell you something about me.
I'm a girl that is single (and loving it) but is looking for her 'The One' guy. I'm a girl who knows what she want and what she doesn't want. I have my own opinions and when I don't agree with something you will know it and you can be sure of that. Just as you can be sure that the sky is blue and grass is green. I fight for what I know is worth fighting for and I don't back down until I realize it's a lost cause and my time is wasted. I love sports (basketball, hockey, football - THE football, not that European comedy but I can watch it if I have to - swimming, water polo, etc.) and I go to the games if I have someone to go with. I'm addicted to music. No, not that crap that everybody listens to in Croatia. I love action films, comedies, horrors, thrillers, dramas, rom-com, etc. you name it I'm game if it's a good move or TV show. I play video games; my fav is Spec. Ops: The Line. But I played NBA 2K13 and 14, Sims, Civ V, etc.
I can talk for hours about nothing and everything. I'm summer addict and that is my time. Because my parents are from Dalmatia and Herzegovina I LOVE Mediterranean food and food in general. I love sweet and I'm proud chocolate addict. I'm brutally honest and my respect is not easy to earn. I don't trust. I can feel when people are lying to me. I'm a sarcastic and sometimes a cynic person. I have a high (sometimes too high) tolerance for stupidity. But when I'm done, I'm done. No going back, no second chances and no trust return. When I fall, I fall hard. I'm loyal and ready to go to the end of the world and back for the ones that I care for. I'm stubborn as a bull (that's because I'm a double Taurus - you said that you have four people in your head, well I have two bulls so I win ;) ). I'm down to earth, see as it is type of a girl. And I'd rather be alone than with anyone just to not be alone.
Lets back to the point...
But somehow you and guys like you who say they are looking for a girls like me don't see me or a girls like me. You say that you want a girl like us but when a girl like me is in front of you, you don't see me. You see a girl who want a D-bag because she thinks that he is a Man. That somehow she would be the one who would change him. HA!!! We are in this constant... - I don't even know what to call it. - where we search for something that is right in front of our eyes but we don't see it.
So if you are looking for a girl that you describe in your columns, she's there. How I know? Well, I'm one of them. If your description has a check boxes and you need to check every box for every girl, than in my case all boxes are checked. But somehow I think that you don't want a girl like me. I think... well, I'm keeping that to myself because I can.
So dear boy, you need to get yourself together and decide what you want. Do you want to find that girl or you want to talk the talk how you do want to find her but you want to stay single and search the ocean for some more fish that you know is not her? Or did you already found her but she doesn't want you or whatnot?
I still can't decide would I let you know about this letter or not. But in case that I do let you know, it was nice writing to you. Hope that you'll find her and get your happy ever after if that is what you want. But if it isn't than it would be, in my humble opinion, good to change a topic of your columns. In both cases, I'll continue to read your columns because you make me laugh, and you make me cry while I'm laughing and that is a lots of brownie points.
P.S. I have a recommendation for a group that you might, hopefully, gonna like. Their name is 'The Civil War' (my two fave songs from them are 'Devil's backbone' and 'The One That Got Away').
XOXO
A
Saturday, July 4, 2015
4th of July
Well this is gonna be short (extra short) but sweet...
To all readers in USA I want to say: "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!" or "HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!!!"
Also, a huge 'Thank You!' to all men and women in the US Air Force, Army, Marine Corps and Navy who are far away from their homes and fighting for freedom and keeping us all safe. And I don't mean just people in America but every single human who lives on this planet and just want a peaceful and safe and secure future. As a non American I am grateful for them. I pray that they come back safely to their families and friends. And before I cry again (and I will if I keep going with this) I'm gonna say once more: "Thank You from the bottom of my heart. You and your families have my gratitude, respect and love. Thank you for what you are doing. For keeping every single one of us safe. For letting us sleep peacefully because we know that somewhere out there someone is keeping us safe."
To all readers in USA I want to say: "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!" or "HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!!!"
Also, a huge 'Thank You!' to all men and women in the US Air Force, Army, Marine Corps and Navy who are far away from their homes and fighting for freedom and keeping us all safe. And I don't mean just people in America but every single human who lives on this planet and just want a peaceful and safe and secure future. As a non American I am grateful for them. I pray that they come back safely to their families and friends. And before I cry again (and I will if I keep going with this) I'm gonna say once more: "Thank You from the bottom of my heart. You and your families have my gratitude, respect and love. Thank you for what you are doing. For keeping every single one of us safe. For letting us sleep peacefully because we know that somewhere out there someone is keeping us safe."
XOXO,
love,
Me :)
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Confession or something like that
Well, if I was honest and I'm always honest because honesty is what I crave in my life because there is so much BS around me to last me an eternity. Originally I wanted to publish a post about my 'Top list of the hottest men' but reading the book I ran into the lyrics of the song "Barton Hollow" by the 'The Civil Wars'.
Then I put their name in YT and listened all their songs and found myself in every single song. For the first time in a two years I felt like something in me is whole again. Like the old me from eight years ago.
I felt like I didn't have a worry in my life. Like my heart was whole again, my soul bright and shiny and not black and cynical. In that period I breathed again with full lungs. But like every time, the reality came with a full force and the smile vanished from my face, my soul became black and cynical again, my heart shattered in a million pieces that I'm still struggling to put back together and the ever present emptiness screamed: "Honey, I'm back!".
Everyone around me thinks that I'm still stuck on that SOB and that I didn't get over him. But I did, and I'm not lying to myself. I'm over him but somehow I can't get over the cheating and lying part. I can't get over the fact that someone who I trusted unconditionally, who I gave my heart in safekeeping could betrayed me like that. I have to be honest and confess that for a very short period of time he succeeded to convince me that I'm the one who is to blame for all that went south between us. I believed in his sad Oscar worthy tears and lies when something inside me screamed that it's all faked and a big lie. But I ignored me again and believed in him. That's what I can't get over with.
I'm scared to put my trust in someone else. To put myself back there and allow someone else to hurt me maybe even more again. I know, that is a right thing to do. You need to keep going and live your life to the fullest. Breathe freely and everything else that they say is normal. But how? I wish that there is someone who could answer me. I only got "It will be better.", and "Life goes on." and to honest I'm sick of hearing it over and over again. Like I don't know that life goes on... I mean, I'm still breathing and everything.
What hurts the most is that my friends (at least I thought they were that) turned their back on me and believed every single lie that he told about me and off course they put some of their's in the pot just to say something. Because they would be so uncool if they didn't badmouthed me behind my back.
I'm happy that I have short list of people who stayed by my side and were a shoulder to cry on and listened while I vent my anger and hurt. Today I can say that I learned my lessons very well. That I know what I want in my life, don't want and what has no place in it and no ifs, buts, or ands about it. Like every single woman out there I have a mental picture about my Mr. Right. Mine is: taller than me (I'm 5'7"), good sense of humor (I need someone who could make me laugh when I'm sad or crying), good kisser, he needs to love sport (don't care which one, but if it's NFL, NHL or NBA (it doesn't need to be this leagues) it's a huge plus. And he NEED to be honest and faithful.
If we talk about look then he need to have dark hair, blue, green or grey eyes. I'm a big sucker for strong hands, military buzz haircuts (don't get me start on that ;) ) and athletic fellas. And don't judge! :P We all have that kind of list. Even you (not pointing fingers) who say that you don't. But be honest, and admit that you do. Come on, you know you want to.
I want to meet new people all around the world. So don't be strangers. I'm a good friend (little self promotion and all that) and I'm funny and a good shoulder to lean on and cry, talk, laugh and have a good time. I'm not always in this funky mode from the beginning of this post. Like everybody I have my moments of ups and downs.
Until next time, I'm leaving you with a collage of pictures that are on my "drool worthy" side of the inspirational board ;)
Then I put their name in YT and listened all their songs and found myself in every single song. For the first time in a two years I felt like something in me is whole again. Like the old me from eight years ago.
I felt like I didn't have a worry in my life. Like my heart was whole again, my soul bright and shiny and not black and cynical. In that period I breathed again with full lungs. But like every time, the reality came with a full force and the smile vanished from my face, my soul became black and cynical again, my heart shattered in a million pieces that I'm still struggling to put back together and the ever present emptiness screamed: "Honey, I'm back!".
Everyone around me thinks that I'm still stuck on that SOB and that I didn't get over him. But I did, and I'm not lying to myself. I'm over him but somehow I can't get over the cheating and lying part. I can't get over the fact that someone who I trusted unconditionally, who I gave my heart in safekeeping could betrayed me like that. I have to be honest and confess that for a very short period of time he succeeded to convince me that I'm the one who is to blame for all that went south between us. I believed in his sad Oscar worthy tears and lies when something inside me screamed that it's all faked and a big lie. But I ignored me again and believed in him. That's what I can't get over with.
I'm scared to put my trust in someone else. To put myself back there and allow someone else to hurt me maybe even more again. I know, that is a right thing to do. You need to keep going and live your life to the fullest. Breathe freely and everything else that they say is normal. But how? I wish that there is someone who could answer me. I only got "It will be better.", and "Life goes on." and to honest I'm sick of hearing it over and over again. Like I don't know that life goes on... I mean, I'm still breathing and everything.
What hurts the most is that my friends (at least I thought they were that) turned their back on me and believed every single lie that he told about me and off course they put some of their's in the pot just to say something. Because they would be so uncool if they didn't badmouthed me behind my back.
I'm happy that I have short list of people who stayed by my side and were a shoulder to cry on and listened while I vent my anger and hurt. Today I can say that I learned my lessons very well. That I know what I want in my life, don't want and what has no place in it and no ifs, buts, or ands about it. Like every single woman out there I have a mental picture about my Mr. Right. Mine is: taller than me (I'm 5'7"), good sense of humor (I need someone who could make me laugh when I'm sad or crying), good kisser, he needs to love sport (don't care which one, but if it's NFL, NHL or NBA (it doesn't need to be this leagues) it's a huge plus. And he NEED to be honest and faithful.
If we talk about look then he need to have dark hair, blue, green or grey eyes. I'm a big sucker for strong hands, military buzz haircuts (don't get me start on that ;) ) and athletic fellas. And don't judge! :P We all have that kind of list. Even you (not pointing fingers) who say that you don't. But be honest, and admit that you do. Come on, you know you want to.
I want to meet new people all around the world. So don't be strangers. I'm a good friend (little self promotion and all that) and I'm funny and a good shoulder to lean on and cry, talk, laugh and have a good time. I'm not always in this funky mode from the beginning of this post. Like everybody I have my moments of ups and downs.
Until next time, I'm leaving you with a collage of pictures that are on my "drool worthy" side of the inspirational board ;)
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