Rambling VOL. 2

NOTE: This post was written on Sep. 3rd, but unfortunately I didn't get to post it because of family emergency. Today I'm posting it because one special and very dear person told to live my life like there's no tomorrow and that I can't close myself off just because it hurts to watch someone I love is in hospital and prognosis are not good.

Hi...

Yesterday was my queen mother's 57th birthday (pls, don't tell her that I wrote the actual number or she's going to... I don't know, but I do know that it's not going to end well for me); so dear mom, happy belated birthday!!!!!! Love you to the moon and back and thank you for being the best mom a daughter can wish for.

So about the rambling part...

Well, yesterday (it's totally coincidental or not - who cares) I was talking to one of my friends, shock I know. =) We were talking about relationship and that stuff when she asked me: "Do you wanna be in a relationship? Would you ever want to get engaged and married again? And do you honestly think that you learned everything from past mistakes?". In that moment I actually didn't know what to say. How to answer those last two questions?

I thought about them and that whole conversation that I had with her when I got home. And I still didn't know what to say. So, I logged on my laptop and went to Pinterest because somehow browsing through all kinds of stuff I think the best. And even this time I was able to find my answers to all three questions.

Question #1. Do you want to be in a relationship?

• Yes, I do. I want to be in a healthy relationship with a person that will make me smile and feel appreciated. Someone with whom I could talk for hours and still have something to say. Someone who will hold my hand when I'm scared. Someone who will look past my defects ( and trust me I have them and I'm aware of them ) and love me for who I am not for who they want me to be. I want to be in a relationship but I am not desperate for one. When it happens it happens. I don't wanna push it or rush it. When the time would be right I'll know and then I will be in a relationship,

Question #2. Would you ever want to get engaged and married again?

• Yes. For a long time for me a marriage was just a piece of paper that to some people doesn't mean a thing and I didn't want to be a part of that masquerade. Today I believe that if you find that one person who completes you in every aspect. Who causes your heart to skip. The person who when you think about him, you smile without a cause. When he kisses you, you feel butterflies every single time. Who is your everything that you prayed for and more. A person that makes you cry only happy tears and is there for you in good and in bad. Even when your PMS comes in town and takes a residence he still loves you. Then and only then would I think about getting married again.

Question #3. And do you honestly think that you learned everything from past mistakes?

• I still don't know if I learned absolutely everything. But I did learn a whole lot of something. I learned to listen my instinct even when I try to fool myself that I'm imagining things. I learn to never change myself for anybody other then myself. To never let go of friends because he doesn't like them. To be yourself no matter what and be true to myself. To respect but also seek respect in return. To tell what's on my mind even when the time is just not right. And a lots of other things but I still feel that I have things to learn. 

I love reading books and right now I'm all in romance (don't judge). Couple months ago I finished reading "Finding my prince Charming" trilogy by J.S. Cooper and find these perfect quote by main female character in the books. I wrote it down in my journal that I wrote in every day for a year as my "new year" resolutions (you can read about that in my "New year in front of me" post). Anyway, I was bored one day so I found a picture and with little help from photoshop I combined picture with the quote and I'm going to share it with you ( Hope, you'll like it. ). It's nothing extra special but since I'm total anti talent for anything with photoshop I'm proud of it.

Also, she asked me did I finally let go of my anger. The answer to that is still NO. I don't know how to after all this time. In the beginnings I was to hurt to be angry and then I just shut myself down and any emotion that I had was pushed in a box deep deep down and I never got to the part where you are angry and pissed and want to kick someone (be real, not someone but you-know-who) so that he sing really high notes and hurt just a little like you.

So I'm asking you guys, can you give me some advice how to get rid of that anger and finally let it go and open myself for new beginnings.

That's all from me for today. Thank you for reading.

XOXO

Lots of love,

Me