So yesterday I got for the first time in I don't even know how long a shock to my system. You know... that shock when you look into someone else's eyes and felt that kick. The feeling like your body is there but you are miles away. Well, after that someone left my office I felt like my brain took vacation, my concentration left the building and I was left all alone to try and get the rest of the work hours done. I got contracts to translate, calls to make, bills to pay and a lot of other stuff to do but my brain didn't want to cooperate.
Finally, later that evening my friend and I met and went for a coffee and talk (we didn't saw each other for a long time). I told her about the guy and how I acted like complete "don't have a word" and how I'm totally confused because I didn't felt like that for over 9 years. After our coffee I took a walk home and think about everything that happened. Then I dreamed him and I was really pissed when my alarm woke me at 7am.
I decided to send him a message and ask him out. After little banter with my two really great (could say BFs) friends I finally got enough courage and send that message. Got answer when I got home around 7pm. He's happily married (joke is he didn't have the ring day before, bcs if he had one there's no way in hell that I would send him that message) but he doesn't wear a ring.
It's ok. It's fine. I'm glad. But please, for the rest of us that don't read minds if you are married wear that goddamn ring so that we don't put our hopes up and don't step on your wife's toes when we ask you out.
Why not wear ring? When I was engaged that ring was my shield against unwonted attention. That ring had very special meaning to me. And one day when I get married I'll wear that ring and be proud that I have it. I didn't express myself right but right now I'm confused as hell and I'm trying to find a reason why not to wear your wedding band/ring whatever you call it.
that's all from me today. till next time when I'll be reunited with my brain and concentration.
Since it would be almost a month from my last post (don't count the one with sexy men list) I felt a need to catch up with you about what's happened in my life since then.
So, let's start.
In these past month I had a good days, great days and days when I felt the need to scream bloody murder or cry my eyes out. I kicked out of my life a couple of people that I lost trust in and I can't say that I'm sad about it. I dealt with stupid people that have nothing better to do with their lives than to mess with mine.
Couple of months ago I started to put my trust in someone and thought that with a little time maybe there could be something worth putting my heart into. I knew him for a long time, really long time and we kind of got in something that had a potential to maybe be something more one day but... There's always that BUT no matter how hard you fight to avoid it.
In April or May (don't remember exactly when) he moved from here to London for work and I was really happy for him because that job is a huge opportunity for him and his career. He came to Zagreb when he could and we talked almost every day via WhatsApp, e-mails, Skype and phone calls. I knew he wanted something more than I could give him and I told him that if he find someone over there that I'm really cool with that and just to let me know about it and I'll be always there for him because he was with me when I had a rough time in the beginning of this year and I love and respect him as a good friend.
He told me that he'll wait for me and give me time to sort my demons and be ready to be with someone in a committed relationship. But (here comes that famous but) one day I was talking with him and he accidentally spilled in our conversation that there's someone that he kind of dates for a month and a half (the catch is that in that time he was in Zagreb for a long weekend with me). I got really mad not because he met someone but because he didn't told me about her when that was the only thing that I asked.
I told him that I need time to stop being mad at him and to let me cool my jets. He didn't let me have my time. He called me every day after I got off work and talked with me. Couple days later he told me that he ended with her because she told him to stop talking with me and end our friendship. We both don't deal good with ultimatums. Week or so later he put one of those on me. To be officially with him because he loves me and he ended whatever he had with that girl and he don't want to wait for me anymore or...
I hung up and we didn't talk anymore since then. He told his sister (she is my friend) that he don 't know how to fix things with me but he doesn't want to call me because he's scared that I won't talk with him. I put that whole situation on the sideline and wait for him to decide what he wants. Because I no longer trust him to be with him but I still don't want to lose him as a friend and he knows that.
Work is good and I hope it'll stay that way and only get better. There are days when I just want to do everything on my list and go home as soon as possible but then there's days when I don't want to go home. I have amazing boss and I'm so happy to have that good man as a boss. What will be awesome is to have another girl in the office closer to my age. Right now it's me and two boys younger then me and our boss when he's in Zagreb. Boys are cool and everything but they are boys and sometimes I feel like I'm their mother. But I can't complain, I had much worse and this is a fairy tale in comparison with my last job.
I learned couple of new life lessons and realized that everything happens with a great reason and someday Karma will sort everything out. I'm happy with how my life is right now. I catch myself daydreaming but if it's meant to be it'll happen on their own time, no need for me to rush it. I'm a little nostalgic at the time but I'm blaming it on hormones (aunt Flow's in town, I know TMI, but I don't care) and I'm sticking with my story. And I'm enjoying knowing that there's noting wrong with being who I am, because there's people who finds my version of me a whole lot attractive. HA!!! Suck it, jerk!!!
LOL
well, I hope that you guys are happy, healthy and in love. it doesn't have to be with someone. right now i'm in love with a bag that i found in store (just waitin' for paycheck next month and it's goin' to be love story), i'm in love with a great song that i listen every day in the office and i'm in love with life.
Also, today my BF celebrates her 25th B-day so shout out to my bestie (she has her own beauty blog, here's a link: sura-dance and make up lover (it's on croatian)). Happy B-day, doll. Love ya!!!
